This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
