I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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