Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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