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Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
