this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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