I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
