Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
