We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
