we have pet lesbian snakes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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