I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
