i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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