This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
