the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
