watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am naked and annoyed.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
