I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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