You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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