and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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