i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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