I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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