the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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