So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize