I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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