This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
