On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
