i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
