just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
