i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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