I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
