He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
