i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
