I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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