I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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