She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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