I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
