my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
