even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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