he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do herpes really smell.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
