I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
now i know why i became what i already was.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
