hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Randomize
