hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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