I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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