my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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