You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
