Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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