Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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