If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
