Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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