the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
