I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Still dying that you shit outside
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
