Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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