I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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