I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
