i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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