Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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