Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
