Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
