eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
