So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
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I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize