im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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