You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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