Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
