She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
