Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
