I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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