I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
